Memories

I have these wierd thoughts running around in my mind. I just need to let them out, so thought here would be a good place. I'm still on my journey afterall, I guess. :) I am pretty tired, emotionally, physically and mentally. Add to that the jetlag, and well, that might explain the wierd thoughts! First full day home and I was running all over. Trying to get the house cleaned, getting the girls out the door on time, and then running back to the airport to pick up our luggage, and then out to mt. pleasant to take cory in to the doctor, he has pink eye in both eyes. Lunch with daddy and then back home. the kids are no longer reading this blog, so now i can get to the real nitty gritty if i feel so moved.

Paris was neat. I really enjoyed the atmosphere and the culture. The first few days of our journey were really rough though, because I missed the kids already, and thinking of all the looong days ahead without them, coupled with the shock of culture change, language change and emotionally i was a wreck. i hid it pretty well until we were stuck on the train. it felt like forever since i had had one of my babies in my arms, and we weren't even halfway to going home yet. i lost it. once our roommates left, i just broke down and sobbed. it was completely shocking to me, that not being able to carry on a conversation with most people would affect me in such a profound way. i didn't realize it had bothered me, until i was overtired and already walking a thin line of emotional sanity. you would think with the language issue, that barry and i would instantly melt together and become closer, but we both realized that we had our own spiritual and emotional baggage to attend to, and snapping at each other was easier than moving closer. we still had an incredible journey, and we DID grow closer together, but it wasn't without a few choice words and a few snotty moods.

Rome was unbelievable. It was so overwhelming that I am still digesting half of what we saw and did. While in Europe, I had some very strong emotional and spiritual upheavals that I could easily explain. Now that I am home, I am still experiencing these same emotions, but the excuses are now gone. I feel very much like a doubting Thomas. I had faith before our journey, sure, and at some points in my life my faith felt rock solid. But having gone to Rome, having looked into Jesus' eyes from a copy of the shroud He was wrapped in, having seen two of the thorns from his crown, some of His cross, a nail that pierced His skin... not to mention St Peter's jawbone... it is so denomination ceasing. Every single last Christian church has this exact same foundation. Jesus Christ. Having journeyed to Rome, I felt in a way, so much closer to Jesus. The Christian music that I listened to before the trip now has a higher spark, a deeper meaning. I have a memory now of some things that before just seemed an unbelievable place. I'm hoping over the next few weeks I can really dig deep into my memory and write down all the details of my journey, both the spiritual and the fun, so if i ever feel like my memory is failing, i can just pull out this scrapbook and re-live it. what an incredible gift barry and i were given. to go on this journey and do and see what we did. i'm still reeling that it was real and it actually happened.

getting home, when the wheels touched down in chicago... i've never felt so attached to america before. some things you really take for granted. and some things are just harder to appreciate when you are in the midst of them. like my children. my babies. i always knew i was incredibly blessed with my children. but day to day life can really hide that for me. getting home and hugging them, having them in my arms again, i want to scream from the moutain tops i will never again be so oblivious to my incredible calling in life, to the extreme amount of blessings that surround me each and every day, even on the worst of days. but yet i know. i know the day will come when the trip will have sunk far enough into my memory that it just is. and the day to day life will again hamper the joy of recieving such wonderful blessings, even though they sometimes scream and cry and fight. i'm praying that i have learned a lifetime lesson and that i will always carry a part of Rome, and a part of all that i saw and did in my heart. That this trip wasn't just a celebration of a wonderful marriage, but it will also be the water and sun that helped my seed of faith grow to be what God wants it to be.